barn roof lost
Art,  Country Life,  Painting,  Photography

Meet the Cow Inseminator ~

Artwork by L’Adelaide. All rights reserved.

red landscape, watercolor+goauche
“Red Landscape” watercolor and gouache 16×22″ Arches coldpress

Once upon a time in a land not too far away,
L’Adelaide, a cute city girl who cares too much about fashion
and doesn’t know what she’s getting into,
marries a lucky cattle rancher,
who doesn’t know either.

ladelaide goes to town-ephemera
L’Adelaide goes to Town

Some years later, before the lucky rancher leaves to check the cows, he says to his wife, who is rendering lard from a pig’s head,

Portrait of a Pig-1970

“The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today.
I drove a nail into the beam just above the cow’s stall in the barn.
Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, okay?”

The lucky rancher drives away to check the fat black mother cows with their calves romping nearby.

When the inseminator arrives as expected, he loudly bangs the old iron bell hanging at the front gate, heralding his arrival but finding it impossible to get to the front door.

He doesn’t understand why no one is coming nor why someone limits access to a front door by unfamiliar men, lost drivers and/or trucks full of barn roofers.

gate latch-countrywomanpaints©
Gate Latch

With an impatient sigh at the continual bell ringing, assuming he is clearly INto his occupation, she turns off the stove.
She grabs her sky blue cashmere shawl and red wellies, preparing to take the very dirty, impatient man to his waiting date.

cow barn-countrywomanpaints©
Cow Barn

Stepping gingerly amid the cow “flops” and mud, she leads him silently to the barn.

muddy cows
Cows in the Mud

They walk along the row of bovine derriere as the cows feast on breakfast. When she sees the nail pounded into the old beam,
she explains,

“This is the cow… Right here.”

The black cow in the stall is happily munching her hay. She turns to look at the small man peering at her other end and loudly snorts her opinion with a stamp of her hoof.

Unaware of his surroundings and curious as he pulls on long, filthy rubber gloves that reach to his armpits, he tries to chat (big mistake) as he moves closer to the cow’s rump, asking,

“Tell me little lady[exact words…],
How did you know this is the right cow to be bred?”

Shooting an “unfriendly” glance at the oaf by her side and pointing to the nail, she replies,

 By the nail over it’s stall,”

barn hook

Unable to contain his curiosity {or unawareness of a pitchfork in the stall’s corner}, he asks,

“What’s the nail for?”

L‘Adelaide sighs and walks away, replying as she departs,

“I guess it’s to hang your pants on!”


I originally shared this little story years ago on a blog that is no more.
Recently it reappeared and still gives me a chuckle.
I thought I’d share it with you in case you are in need of one too.
A chuckle that is….




  • susancrow

    I may have heard it before but I still chuckled.

    Now one for you:

    I had a friend in Portland who was a veterinarian. As a very fashionable as well as wealthy woman, Laura’s mother had hoped for better. After years of never seeing her daughter anywhere other than at formal gatherings one day her mother drove to the stables where Laura was working and made her way to the barn. Wearing a pair of gloves like the ones you describe (well, clean ones), just as her mother walked into view was the moment when Laura plunged her hand and arm into the animal’s nether end. Her mother fainted.

    • ĽAdelaide

      This was a great read! I laughed my ditzy head off. And isn’t it the truth…. fainting of all things!! Do women still faint? And did they ever? Really? I never have… but then i’m a tough battle-axe, a probable cause for my lack of that certain style of femininity one may need, i suspect. 😉

      Kidding… i think! 🙂

  • Mel

    ROFLMAO!!! Oh, dearheart….I’m sure my being behind in posts was just so I would be playing catch-up on a night where I’d NEED this laugh!! TYTYTY!!!

    • ĽAdelaide

      Well, for you, anything. I knew there was some reason I thought about trotting this post out again. It’s a wise old tale, don’t you agree? Course you do! 😀

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